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The Four Horsemen

Dr. Gottman uses this metaphor to describe communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship.

The Four Horsemen: Defensiveness

Ellie Lisitsa

Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner.

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The Four Horsemen: Contempt

Ellie Lisitsa

Contempt is the worst of the four horsemen. It is the number one predictor of divorce, but it can be defeated.

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The Four Horsemen: Criticism

Ellie Lisitsa

The first of the Four Horsemen, and likely the most common, is criticism.

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The Four Horsemen: Stonewalling

Ellie Lisitsa

The last, but certainly not least, of the Four Horsemen is stonewalling.

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Stonewalling vs The Silent Treatment: Are They The Same?

Kari Rusnak

What’s the difference between stonewalling and the silent treatment?

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D is for Defensiveness

Zach Brittle, LMHC

Defensiveness is a wicked game. But it’s winnable.

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Help! Someone Told Me I’m Stonewalling

Laura Silverstein

Stonewalling is dramatically misunderstood. It is not the icy indifference that it might appear to be on the surface.

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Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart: Defensiveness and Flooding

The Gottman Institute

From her latest book, Brené discusses these core Gottman Method concepts

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‘It’s Not My Fault!’: Why Defensiveness is Damaging

Cheryl Fraser

Don’t get defensive. Do this instead.

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What Causes Contempt in Relationships

Jinashree Rajendrakumar

How to spot contempt and what to do when it shows up

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Types of Criticism: Expressing Concern or Complaint without Harm

Kimberly Panganiban

Learn how to identify the first of the four horsemen

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Red Flag/Green Flag: What to Look for When You’re Dating

Elizabeth Earnshaw

How can you tell if someone is right for you?

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