0

The Right Way to Complain

Learn how to express your feelings without hurting your partner

corona virus communication pandemic

When you need to complain to your partner about something they’re doing or a situation you both are in, it’s easy for things to go sideways. From tone to word choice, you could offend them in a number of different ways. The chances of what you say coming off as criticism are high. It may cause your partner to criticize you back, get defensive, or shut down completely.

So how do you bring up touchy subjects with care and compassion?

Listen to Dr. Julie Gottman explain the key to effectively communicating your needs to your partner without hurting their feelings.

Remember, the antidote to criticism is the Softened Start-Up.

So the next time you need to remind your partner to take the trash out like they said they would, pause. Take a moment to consider how you phrase your complaint. Look for the positive need within and gently approach.

Want more help keeping the Four Horsemen out of your relationship? Join us at the next Art and Science of Love virtual workshop. You will learn how to prevent destructive patterns like criticism from harming you and your partner. Register today!


The NEW Gottman Relationship Adviser takes the guesswork out of improving your relationship. Measure your relationship health with a research-based self-assessment, then receive a tailored digital plan proven to heal and strengthen your connection.

Improve your Relationship Skills with our Free Newsletters

Share this post:

The Gottman Institute’s Editorial Team is composed of staff members who contribute to the Institute’s overall message. It is our mission to reach out to individuals, couples, and families in order to help create and maintain greater love and health in relationships.

Recommended products

$30.00

Improve your relationship in 30 days! Backed by over 50 years of research, the 30 Days to a Better Relationship challenge will help you reconnect with your partner and bring more positivity into your relationship. The tools and exercises, delivered once a day for 30 days by email, build on one another and take five minutes or less to complete.

 

Related posts

A couple embracing, sharing an emotional connection.

The Difference Between Love and Emotional Connection

Kendra Han

The difference between love and emotional connection can be the difference between a happy and unhappy relationship.

Read More

A couple engaged in healthy communication deepening their connection using Gottman strategies.

How to Communicate Better with Your Partner: Tips to Enhance Your Relationship

The Gottman Institute

Learning how to communicate better with your partner will lead to deeper connection and a more fulfilling relationship.

Read More

The Dog Biscuit Theory of Marriage

Cheryl Fraser

Fight the negativity bias, and praise the good in your partner and their actions to create a positive dynamic in your relationship.

Read More

A couple working together on their finances with open communication and transparency.

Financial Infidelity Can Put Your Relationship At Risk

Terry Gaspard

Financial infidelity can be as harmful to your relationship as other kinds of betrayal. Are there secrets about money in your relationship?

Read More

A couple engaging in healthy communication to improve their relationship.

10 Communication Exercises for Couples to Have Better Relationships

The Gottman Institute

Discover 10 effective communication exercises designed for couples to strengthen relationships and marriages. These practical, expert-backed strategies help couples connect, understand, and communicate more effectively.

Read More

A young couple talking to each other about how they are feeling using good communication skills.

Effective Communication in a Relationship: 5 Ways to Communicate Better

The Gottman Institute

Discover 5 powerful ways to have effective communication in your relationship. Uncover strategies from relationship experts to foster understanding, promote openness, and strengthen your connection.

Read More

Improve your Relationship Skills with our Free Newsletters
0